Archive for category Save My Marriage
Coping With Marriage After The Affair - Three Vital Things To Consider
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on June 16th, 2010
Marriage after an affair is not easy and many married couples cannot find a way to get their marriage back on track, the hurtful emotions and the fact that most sane people have never even thought about how to handle such a terrible situation.
You cannot find anyone at fault for feeling like this though as no one would want to unfaithfulness in a relationship. Infidelity does happen in many marriages however and as such,we should know how to deal with such problems when they occur.
Here are three tips that might be useful if your partner has not been faithful but you still want to salvage your marriage.
Anger, Resentment & Jealousy have to be Dealt with
Anger, resentment and jealousy are all regular feelings after you discover the unfaithfulness of your partner. However these things are ultimately not helpful to being able to forgive and move on or at least not be overwhelmed by cheating. In this case you need to find ways to stop these feelings from ruining your life. It is a lot easier to say this than do thisyou have to do it or else these negative thoughts can overcome and poison you.
One thought that might help is “I can always control how I ACT even if I cannot control how I FEEL!”. going about these feelings will not be quick but you you are the one who controls what you say and what you do even if you think you are going to explode if you do not get angry. If your emotions threaten to control you when talking to your partner simply tell them that you are too angry to talk and take a walk but always remind yourself that you will talk about it later when your anger has subsided. You can go and do it when both of you are in the right head space.
End Retaliation
This ties in with controlling what you do and say but is more focused as it deals with another destructive thought: REVENGE.
It is possible to use words to retaliate in the form of nasty quips and comments, full flown verbal abuse or even talking behind their back to friends or family or colleagues. Others make do it by attacking physically which is a very dangerous path but it can also mean physically attacking something they love or cherish too. Revenge can also be passive aggressive retaliation or even worse revenge through sex by committing the same mistake as you spouse.
All these things must never happen as the trust you had is almost completely broken from an affair and taking revenge can only make things worse. You might then lose your chance of saving your marriage. In the end you have to make a decision… is this over or will you fight to try to find love and trust again… you make the choice.
Do not Live on the Past
Another concern that can stop you from being able to find a path to forgiveness and communication in a marriage after an affair is thinking that you can reclaim the pastmake things just like they were. Your marriage cannot be the same again unless you deny that there is an affair and then you will be living a lie which has caused more marriages to fail than it has to keep them together.
You must let go of the past instead. The old marriage is gone, your old relationship was not what it seemed since they had an affair. Only when you realize that your old life should be left in the past can you focus on your new life, your new relationship and your new marriage because basically, you have to start anew!
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Marraige After Infidelity- 2 Strategies To Live On After The Affair
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on June 14th, 2010
How to survive an affair can be a hell of doubts, emotional hurt, disagreement and a dragging descent towards separation and divorce. However your marriage after an affair can also make way for a partnership that is stronger and more loving than it was before. Read on to discover how you can attain this…
The scheme to getting through an affair in a marriage is not about forgetting the cheating but instead forgiving the cheating. This is difficult though and can be long before it is achieved for some people and a faster for others but it is possible if you remember these few tips:
Make a new marriage, do not rebuild the same one
One of the most immediate response to infidelity is of course just wishing things were like they were before… oddly even if before was bad. You see, things will NEVER be the same again, how could they? Trying to patch something as shattered and broken as the trust and your relationship will just produce a weak facsimile of the marriage before you knew the cheating. Like a frail vase shattered and glued back together. It could be very challenging, but it can be done. It will include a lot of patience and hard work to put everything back together.
Why not put your energy on creating a fresh relationship, a new marriage with a new set of values and a new way of living and loving. The affair will not be forgotten but it can be forgiven and a new path taken.
Do not add to the anger and resentment
Even if you are allowed to feel angry and bitter when your spouse cheats on you with another, letting this beast grow only makes it stronger and harder to handle. If you give in to anger and direct it towards your partner you will cause them to retaliate. You will also little by little make an invisible barrier to open and honest communication that could have healed you both.
In the event that you are becoming so mad that you cannot have a calm conversation simply inform your partner you are angry and need a moment to gather yourself then go for a walk maybe. Never give into the negative beast that in you if you want to look for a solution and rebuild your marriage and love. It is essential to allow your relationship some space to breathe sometimes. It will calm down on its own and everything will be able to be handled again when you talk.
For more guidance and advice on surviving an affair in your marriage please go to my site and browse through my story of how I overcame the evils of jealousy and resentment to forgive my wife and make way for us to grow even closer than we have ever been and how the lessons I learned can help you do the same.
Saving A Marriage After Infidelity - One Thing You Need To Do!
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on June 13th, 2010
If you are Saving your marriage after infidelity you know you are faced with a difficult battle not only with your partner but within yourself and with society as a whole. The destruction of trust and the betrayal and hurt of an affair mean that many people do not get along with each other and they eventually get divorced. It will not have to turn out this way if you do the right things according to how they should come first. Expect your marriage to go through rough time for sometime. It’s not going to be easy to fix everything that has been wrecked.
One thing you should do to save your marriage however is this: Do some self reflection. This is not selfish, this is the only way for you to know what must come next which is facing the affair without flinching to know the reasons behind it which can start to help rebuild trust…but that is getting ahead of ourselves. You can only assume that it is what will happen. If you want to see that happen, then do it step by step. allow your spouse some time to think about things as well.
First you must get your self esteem back. Do not allow cheating to crush you. You must instead be able to sort through your own emotion and be able to talk to your spouse without anger and resentment and jealousy. These emotions make you say and do things that you regret and end hopes of proper communication. This is not something you want to happen. You should accept that you also did things that are not right. What happened to your marriage did not just happen because only one of you did something wrong. Both of you have have made mistakes in you marriage, therefore it needs both of your efforts to make it work once more.
This is naturally not as easy as it sounds but what it can do for you is stop you from trying to dig into territory that you cannot handle yet. If you start trying to communicate with a partner who will cause you to simply lose it you will damage your ability to get them to tell you about the affair which is necessary for the healing to start. Try to keep it together when you plan to talk about things. Outbursts of anger will not help at all. A more relaxed atmosphere will help you sort things out much better.
For more help and advice on Saving a Marriage After Infidelity please visit my site and be familiar my story of how I overcame the demons of jealousy and resentment to forgive my wife and enable us to grow even closer than we have ever been. The lessons I learned can also help you do the same.
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Dealing With Infidelity. 5 Effective Ways For Dealing With Infidelity And Saving Your Marriage!
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on June 10th, 2010
Dealing With Infidelity. 5 Proven Guidelines for Dealing With Infidelity and Being Closer to Your Spouse Again!
Dealing with infidelity must be one of the hardest things anyone has to meet in a marriage. Dire although it is, unfaithfulness doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage. There are ways of dealing with infidelity that can make your marriage healthier than previously.
The shock is unbelievable and the agony, grief and hurt of it all almost too much to bear. Betrayal has destroyed your world. So what can you do now? You do have a option here. You can either give up on your marriage or you can battle to overcome disloyalty and make your partnership more committed than it was before. By reading this article you will uncover 5 tested methods for dealing with infidelity and salvaging your relationship. You know you can do this!
1.Take A Step Back From It All!
When you first know, it is usual to feel intensity of emotion-shock, grief, anger, desolation and even guilt. Although you might want to attack your partner, this will solve nothing. Dealing with infidelity requires a clear head and a rational mind. So back off, cool down and let your emotions cool down.
2. Accept that it has happened
Accept that your partner has been untrue to you. The sooner you can admit that this has happened, the sooner you will be able to contemplate rebuilding your marriage. Make a conscious decision to find your way through the misery into the light, that you will not go under and that whatever occurs you as a person will rise above it all.
3.Consider the Explanations Why
At the right time for you , you and your spouse must carefully weigh up the reasons why the deceipt took place at all. This will be a awkward process but if you are to rebuild your marriage, you must be wholly honest with each other and not just give certain topics a wide berth
4. Don’t Rush It
Dealing with infidelity takes motivation, determination and a lot of self control. As you are finding your way through, be aware that there will be ups and downs along the way and loads of emotion. This is just the way it is and it will with any luck make you stronger as a pair in the long run.
5.Read and Find Benefit
Dealing with infidelity is very demanding to do without outside assistance. Now, this doesn’t have to involve long and dear sessions with a marriage counsellor. There are lots of inexpensive self-help e books that can assist you to get hold of a resolution and are full of reliable assistance on dealing with infidelity and salvaging your relationship.
Men Cheat On Wives- The Shocking Truth
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on June 3rd, 2010
A popular myth about relationships is that men cheat on wives to experience sex with another woman. Either the man was not getting enough sex from his wife or he simply wants more. Is this really why men cheat on wives? Some women may find it shocking to discover that this in fact is one of the last reasons men cheat.
Men are more emotional who cheated on their wives polled that their affair was emotional at first, and then turned sexual over time. Understanding why men cheat on wives could save your marriage.
The most common affairs were with co workers. Most people think that this is more convenient or just some male fantasy, but that could not be further from the truth.
A woman flirting with a man at work makes him feel like he is really attractive, virile and desirable. His ego has been stroked just the right way. He’ll be walking on cloud nine for the rest of his day until he goes home.
He comes home expecting his wife to give him the same kind of attention. The problem is his wife is tired from working herself and maybe taking care of the children as well. She shows him very little attention in her exhausted stupor and this will not sit well with him.
In the beginning this may be nothing to worry about, but as time goes on the grass begins to look greener on the other side. Men’s egos are very fragile and need to be stroked every now and again, particularly by their wife or significant other. If you aren’t there to do it he may find some one else who can.
This is certainly no excuse for men cheating on wives, but it is the leading cause none the less. To help prevent this from happening just make sure that you regularly make your man feel that you appreciate his contributions. Men the admiration of their wife. You may not realize it, but he craves your attention more than anyone else’s. If he feels invalidated by you it could set up a downward spiral in the relationship.
A playful little rub on the back for a job well done is a simple action that just makes men feel great, for a while anyway. Compliment his physique out of the blue. Come up with creative ways to show him how you feel. Giving your man adequate attention can save your relationship.
Once a man has had his ego stroked properly you will notice he is more responsive than you would hope for. You compliment him for how great he’s done at work or on a project and the next thing you know he is whistling while painting the garage.
Why is he painting the garage? Aside from the fact that it may have needed it, this would be a great opportunity to earn more compliments. A man with a healthy ego is far more productive than a man who is depressed, and for good reason.
Make your man feel that he is important to you. Whether you know it or not he is, or was, constantly trying to impress you! He wants your attention so give it to him. Men cheat on wives primarily because of ego. You do not have to belittle yourself, just make him feel like hes the only man for you rather than just saying it.
Broken Homes, Broken Children
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on May 26th, 2010
According to the Center for Disease Control’s National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. With these kinds of statistics, and with all the problems and pain a couple goes through, why do people still want to get married?
Even though marriage receives so much bad press these days, walking the aisle is still a very popular exercise. After all, it is human nature to want to feel nurtured and secure. Getting married is still very much desired for all its promise of unconditional love and companionship.
But marriage is so much more than just the wedding ceremony or the honeymoon. It is more than just the intimacy and fun that every couple deserves. Marriage is also about building a family. Traditionally, raising children is part and parcel of a marriage partnership — a task that entails the provision of shelter, clothing, education, and love without which no child can live without. Just as couples want to feel they belong to a loving relationship, so do their children. It also goes without saying that if a marriage is broken, the children would be emotionally affected by it together with their parents. The effects of divorce on children are important to any good parent. But it’s not always easy, when a marriage is struggling and someone is hurting, parents should also consider what the specific effects of divorce will be on their children.
There have been many specific studies focusing on the effects of divorce on children. Studies show that children from a broken family are emotionally affected by the marriage breakup and they know that nothing will ever be the same again. They fear change. Not just that the mother or their father will not be around, but they may also lost contact with their extended family, or school routines may change.
Children have a fear of being abandoned. When parents are at odds and are either separated or considering separation, children have a realistic fear that if they lose one parent, they may lose the other. The concept of being alone in the world is a very frightening thing for a child.
Children who have a natural attachment to their parents also fear losing other secure relationships such as those they have with their friends, pets, siblings, neighbors, and so on. Sometimes children are simply attached to their surroundings, and moving into new surroundings can cause an understandable negative reaction. Divorce has also been found to be associated with a higher incidence of depression; withdrawal from friends and family; aggressive, impulsive, or hyperactive behavior; and either withdrawing from participation in the classroom or becoming disruptive.
Academically, children are greatly affected because of their parents divorce or separation. Children from divorced families drop out of school at twice the rate compared with children from “intact” families. They also have lower rates of graduation from high school and college. Children from divorced homes performed more poorly in reading, spelling and math.
Moreover, children of divorced parents are more likely to become delinquent by age 15, regardless of when the divorce took place. Anecdotal evidence points out that parental divorce and living in a single-parent household can influence a person to have thoughts of committing suicide. Drug use in children is lowest among those children who have been spared from the effects of parental divorce.
Even if there are have been tension and problems at home, some children will be shocked to learn that their parents are getting a divorce. It may take some time for them to acknowledge and accept that their lives will be different. To help a child cope with shock and stress, parents should be patient with them, ease into the new routines and living situations if possible and constantly express and reassure their love to them. Based on research, these are the top five reasons why people get married:
1. To signify a life-long commitment
2. To make a public commitment
3. To legalize their partnership or for financial security
4. To formalize their partnership as part of religious belief
5. To provide security for children.
But long after the celebration of the wedding and years after the honeymoon, when reality sets in, many marriages fail to survive. Despite all the happiness and joy that was shared between the man and the woman during the early years of marriage, they end up separated or divorced — placing their children’s security, health, and well-being at serious risk.
Getting married is easy. Getting divorced is complicated. At one time, having cheap divorce fees was actually impossible. There has to be a better way than fighting each other in court at great expense. And there is. For more information on low cost divorce settlements, visit http://www.infoondivorce.net
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Signs Of Cheating In A Relationship - Warnings In Dreams
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on May 26th, 2010
Last week I acquired a new student who has read my ebooks with interest and has already learned how to translate her dreams, and everybody else’s dreams too.
She was very excited about her ability. She told me that she had always had the desire to understand the meaning of her dreams and she was very happy to finally have discovered the right method of dream interpretation, which is so helpful for everyone.
However, her enthusiasm disappeared three days ago, when one of her friends told her that she saw in a dream that her husband was cheating on her. My student understood immediately that this was a true warning, but she had no courage to tell the truth to her friend.
She sent me a message telling me that she didn’t want to “destroy a family”, thinking that the translation of the bad dream would perhaps provoke the couple’s separation, and she didn’t know what to tell her friend, especially because the couple had a small child.
I told her to pretend that she was in her friend’s place and I asked her if she would prefer to continue being cheated on without understanding what was really happening with her relationship, or if it would be better for her to learn the truth and do something about it.
All dreams we see when we sleep have a protective character, even nightmares. The unconscious mind is always trying to show us the truth in order to protect us from all dangers.
If you ignore the truth and you learn suddenly something shocking, you may even suffer a heart attack, or worse…
I told her to tell her friend that she had to be patient and investigate the truth without being rude with her husband. She could save her marriage and have her husband back if she acted wisely.
Unfortunately the human being inherits many immoral and absurd tendencies in the wild part of his conscience, which is primitive and violent. This is why infidelity is a very common sin in our society…
If we want to prevent a divorce, we have to pay attention to all signs of cheating that appear in our relationship.
Therefore, if you believe that the person you love is cheating on you because you see that they stay alone a lot of the time, they are somehow distant with you, they talk too much on the phone (usually their cellular…), they hide their cellular from you, etc. you must not close your eyes before these signs just because you don’t want to face the truth.
You had better be prudent and care about facing what you dislike instead of avoiding it, because at a certain point you will be obliged to face the truth without a doubt, and things could be unbearable for you if you suddenly have to face a situation where you’ll be in the position of a very big victim…
The unconscious mind shows you everything you need to learn in your own dreams in order to prepare you for the truth, and in order to help you correct what is wrong before it is too late.
It would be very wise from your side if you were to keep a dream diary and learn how to translate your own dreams according to the scientific method like my student. This way you can prevent what is bad for you and change the future before this becomes impossible.
My student understood that in fact she was helping her friend very much by translating her dream for her, and opening her eyes. Now her friend is trying to recuperate her relationship with her husband instead of losing him forever, by not having had a chance to do something to keep him close to her.
How To Stop Divorce-3 Convincing Strategies To Save Your Marriage!
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on May 25th, 2010
How To Stop Divorce-3 Convincing Tactics to Save Your Marriage!
The situation seems totally bleak. For weeks now the end of your marriage is looming closer and there seems to be no way that you can change your other half’s mind. He or she desires that divorce but you don’t and your situation seems completely hopeless. You are confused, alone and afraid. The good news is that your situation is not unique (you know that very well) and it is certainly not hopeless. By reading this article you will discover 3 convincing strategies for how to stop divorce
Agree With What Your Partner Wants
When one person wishes something that the other does not, there is a battle of wills. If you try to sway your partner that you’ve changed, not to
go ahead with the divorce, you are supporting their negativism and they will become even more stubborn. Stop complaining, stop moaning, stop pressuring and stop being emotionally dependent. Instead, agree with the fact that a divorce is required and that they are right. One of the reasons that they want to pull away from you is that you are forever disagreeing with them. Who wants to pull away from someone who agrees with them?
Act Happy
Give the impression that you are quite happy with the turn of events. You have told your spouse that they are right, now go and enjoy your freedom and give the relationship some breathing space. If you are separated don’t phone on a regular basis to try to win over your partner to stay with you or that you will love them. This is the most inadvisable thing you can do. Keep chat light and happy and focus on helpful practicalities such as what time to pick up the kids. Make contact light and happy. Serious talk damages a relationship.
Stop Working At the Relationship
The solution that most marriage counsellors have for how to stop divorce, is to work at what is not going right in your marriage and to try to make it better . However it is working at a relationship that makes it not work! When you condemn, complain, argue and explain what ‘s not working you are trying to improve your mate . You are disagreeing with them and you can probably see that this just makes everything worse. Allow and accept 100% what your partner thinks, feels or does.
If you put your hands up, surrender and focus on the positive aspects in your relationship, your other half will not have a leg to stand on and will naturally go along with what you want them to do. you see? You really can save your marriage
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Will My Spouse Ever Love Me Again
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on May 21st, 2010
If you’ve been fretting over the question ” Will my partner ever love me again?”, you are certainly not by yourself. Some males feel ensnared in a loveless marriage. Some others have previously split from their wives but miss them tremendously and would like things to go back to the way they used to be. No matter what the situation, it’s always possible to bring back the tenderness you once shared with effort, determination, patience and time.
Will My Wife Ever Love Me Again
To begin with, rather than answering the question of “will my wife ever love me again”, answer this question: Has she told you that she does not love you anymore. If she hasn’t told you this and she hasn’t left you, then chances are she still does care for you but is going through some other matters that are making her cold or unfriendly. This is a another set of circumstances than loss of love and needs to be taken care of another way.
But if you are convinced that your spouse doesn’t love you, and you’re convinced you want her love back, there are a number of things you can do that could help you with this. Firstly, you have to admit that your present circumstances did not come about overnight. This is usually a very gradual course that starts when communication breaks down and just continues getting poorer. At some point, you will have to work on speaking all over again. This is what will keep your marriage and love alive. However it may not be the initial measure you take.
For example, if your wife has insisted that she simply needs some time or room, then do not start going on about how you need to start talking more. She will not understand that at this point in time. Instead, provide her the space she needs right now. Do not ask her how much time she needs or give her a “deadline”. Let her know that you are willing to acknowledge this distance for now. This is an vital move for many reasons.
Initially, it shows her that you are strong enough to let her go away and go on without her for a while. Next, it provides her the opportunity to see if she misses your continuous presence. Keep in mind that you can offer her space even if you are living under the same roof. Behave toward her as if she is a colleague at work. Be warm and sociable, but not intimate. This space works particularly well if you have been pleading, clingy, or demanding until this moment.
That style of behavior tends to push people away even further. However now by doing the opposite, she can certainly compare what it is like to have you there for her and what it’s like for you to be gone. This in itself is awfully influential. For the duration of your time “off”, make certain that you take care of yourself, eat well, work out if possible, get adequate sleep (even if it’s on the couch), and take time to go out with your associates, spend additional quality time with the little ones, or simply spend some time by yourself.
When you have gone through this period, you can get going with techniques that will unlock up communication between the two of you and lead to a reverberating Yes! to the question of “Will my partner ever love me again”?
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Saving Your Marriage: Things The Experts Won’t Tell You
Posted by Your Love Coach in Save My Marriage on May 18th, 2010
There are virtually thousands of self help books on the topic of saving your Saving Your Marriage , yet divorce rates are even now as high as they have ever been. The guidance in these books is not necessarily poor, but there are things you must change about yourself before any of these tips will help you.
Rule Out Divorce!
If you have talked about divorce, but neither of you really want it, stop talking about it! Neither of you want it so why mention it? Many people use the word divorce as a type of threat to try and force their spouse to change, even if they have no intention of actually following through on it. The main problem with this is that the more you speak about it, the more likely it is to happen.
Respect Each Other
When you didn’t really know each other, I’d wager you were both really nervous with each other, and wanted to be on your best behaviour. You watched your P’s and Q’s and you probably resolved any troubles politely and patiently. If you want to save your relationship you must get back to this amount of respect.
Your Partner Isn’t Perfect
Accept It! Its simple to forget the little annoying habits that your partner may have when you are newlyweds, such as leaving the doors open or throwing their clothes to the floor. But over time these things are likely to bother you more and more, and you just want your husband or wife to change them. Before you decide to confront them about it, ask yourself if its really worth it? If not, learn to deal with it.
Don’t Be Too Critical
This one can be tricky to achieve. Once you start to criticize over the minor things, it can be tough to stop, but try not to attack your spouse over every little thing. You should still show them if something they do annoys you, but do so in a non-confrontational way.
Understand The Opposite Sex
I don’t mean standing in the park, staring at the hot guy or girl that you like. I mean make an effort to understand the difference in how men and women think about stuff, such as relationships and emotions. You may think you know everything about them, but I’m sure you will be surprised by what you discover, if you make an effort. If learn new things, ask your spouse if that it how they think or feel. This alone, could be crucial to saving your marriage
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