The process of healing after a breakup is a complicated one to handle. Often, it is on you and also on your ex. There are an abundance of powerful feelings and emotions whizzing around and the act of healing after a break up does require a huge amount of mental strength and determination.

Now, this may seem scary at first, particularly with that huge hole in your heart. It’s not easy to fill that gaping hole. It’s at times like these when nothing else seems to really matter. Everything seems unimportant or rubbish. Your favourite tv programmes aren’t hitting the spot anymore. You turn on the radio and you either hear songs that remind you of your time together or songs about broken relationships. Remember though, you are not the first person to go through this and you will not be the last. Both yourself and your partner (should you still care about him/her) will get through this and will move forward whether it be both of you going your individual paths or perhaps you feel that the relationship can be saved?

When you find yourself facing the prospect of trying to heal the pain after a breakup, it helps to follow these rules.

To start with, you should not contain your emotions. Do not store up the pain. One cannot go through life without pain. When you break up with a long-term lover, the pain feels similar to that you experience when coping with the death of a loved one. Feeling hurt and feeling pain are unavoidable, therefore it is okay to break down a little and cry as needed. It helps to jot things down, it may help to scream…you should do whatever is needed to let all of the pain out and move on.

Once you have reached a state of calm, you are ready for the second step. You should attempt to evaluate things and try and find out where you and your partner are in the relationship. This is important in order for you and your ex to make the right choice. It is time to consider whether the relationship is truly over. Has it been irreparably damaged? Or is it possible to save the relationship? Do you want to fight to save it? This is something that you and your ex partner need to figure out.

Now the third step. If you have decided that the relationship is over, a bit of essential maintenance is required. This includes obtaining articles of clothing, cosmetics, cds and any other possessions you value that you have left at the other’s apartment and vice versa. This kind of negotiation and separation is to ensure that nothing is left as an emotional timebomb later on in your lives. You should avoid spending time with each other, even if in the company of mutual friends. Once the two of you have completely separated, you should perform a finalizing ceremony. This is a symbolic event which will involve creating an effigy of your ex and then destroying it. For instance, you could burn one of their letters, their photo, throw away their leftover property (make sure they no longer want it of course - this is to make you feel better, not to antagonize your ex), or delete their files off your computer and so on. This symbolic gesture is for your benefit.

At this time, you should use whatever support that is available to you. This can be in the form of friends, family, and other loved ones who can provide emotional support. Even though you have done what you can to soften the blow of the break up, you will still face turbulence. In light of this you will need all of the help you can get as you are healing after a break up.

If on the other hand, you have decided that the relationship is worth saving, you need to take a different course of action. You need to develop a positive way of thinking, you need to think about what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place and work on re-igniting the flame.

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